


Aftermath

by JaegerBombs



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post Chapter 105, ended happier than i intended
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 14:48:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14620953
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JaegerBombs/pseuds/JaegerBombs
Summary: After the Survey Corps arrive back on Paradis, Levi is once again left with the duty of watching over Eren. The two of them confront the pain that Eren has caused.





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> I needed to deal with my feelings about chapter 105. I'll be totally off base by the time chapter 106 rolls around I'm sure. But for now let the boys have some reconciliation because my heart hurts too much for this.
> 
> There's more angst than porn here, so if you're looking for a PWP, this probably won't satisfy your wishes.

This again.

It had been a long time since Levi was told that he needed to have Eren under his supervision at all times. He had hoped it would never boil down to that again, because Eren was supposed to be someone they could trust and rely on. And up until recently he was, even though he had changed over the years.

When Levi finally saw him again, all he could compare him to was the filthy, lifeless people that he remembered from his time living in the underground. The look on Eren’s face was all too familiar to Levi and hit closer to home than he’d ever want to admit. It was as if Eren was just waiting for death and no longer cared about what happened to him. Levi couldn’t stand it.

Ever since Eren had started seeing the memories of his predecessors, he’s become harder to reach. Levi was never shy about checking in on him, asking if he was okay, holding him through the night when necessary. He never thought Eren would be pushed to go against them, though. He always felt Eren wanted to cling to himself the best he could through all of it. The Eren who, despite his selfish desires, was always willing to make sacrifices for the sake of the Survey Corps.

But Levi couldn’t see it that way anymore. Even if it was what he thought was the best course of action, Eren acted selfishly and it hurt everyone and even got others killed. Was there so much going on beneath the surface that Levi couldn’t see this whole time? Why didn’t Eren just talk to him about it?

It wasn’t that they were working with Zeke that bothered him, or even the fact that Eren defected. It’s just that he had changed so much, and Levi could no longer recognize him. He’d always encouraged Eren to believe in himself and do what he felt was right, but he never imagined it would lead Eren to one day look the way he did when he got onto the airship.

The kick was for show, a slap on the wrist as far as military punishment was concerned. But Levi wasn’t even sure if he regretted doing it like he had in the past. He had to keep convincing himself there was nothing personal in it, that it had nothing to do with how much he missed Eren, how much he worried about him, and how much he hurt because of him. It was a necessary disciplinary action for Eren’s insubordination. That’s all.

Still, Levi felt like shit.

They stood next to each other in separate shower stalls. Levi insisted that Eren get washed off because he was filthy, and Levi needed to get his own grime off. The two of them stood silently for what felt like an eternity, and the silence was killing him.

“How’s your head?” He asked. Physically, he knew Eren was fine, the shifter healing power had him looking as good as new within minutes. What he really wanted to know was what was going through Eren’s head and this was simply the only thing he could think of to ask. Anything to break the painfully tense silence between them.

“It’s fine,” Eren replied. “You know it’s fine.”

“Is it really?”

“I said I don’t care about the kick, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“That wasn’t what I was asking.”

The silence fell on them again, and Levi could hear that Eren had stopped scrubbing at himself based on the way the water was patting on the pavement below. Levi let out a sigh, unsure of how to get a conversation going. But it was Eren who broke the silence this time. “I’d rather we talk in private.”

“The dungeons aren’t exactly private,” Levi commented, knowing that was meant to be their next destination.

“I meant your quarters.”

Levi let out a sigh as he looked down onto the ground, letting the water splash onto the back of his head and drip down from his hair and face. Before Eren left, Levi’s quarters were a place of respite for the two of them. His mind flashed to days where they sat sipping tea together, Eren helping Levi with his paperwork, the two of them talking about the future of the Corps together, Eren crying to Levi when things were too much for him. As Eren got older, it became a place where they held onto each other and spoke words of affection and comfort, bodies beginning to tangle together, bodies eventually becoming one. Echoes of blissful moans and sighs that spilled out of their lips as they distracted themselves from the cruelty of the world pounded inside of Levi’s mind. Their last night together was particularly passionate, and Levi should have known something was off in the way that Eren was damn near sobbing as they made love.

“…Okay.”

* * *

 

Levi was lucky enough to have the jurisdiction to decide where Eren was, so long as they were together. Frankly, he was surprised that the task of supervising Eren was left to them, given that Hange had picked up on their rather complicated relationship a good year before Eren ran off. Still, at the end of the day, Levi remained the strongest soldier in the Survey Corps, so he shouldn’t have been all that shocked. Eren followed him silently through the halls of the Survey Corps headquarters until Levi reached his room. He turned the key and opened the door, gesturing for Eren to go inside first. Once they were both in, he promptly locked it, wishing not to be disturbed by anyone.

Eren took no time in cornering Levi, pressing his hands against the door with his arms around either side of Levi’s head. The boy had become significantly taller than Levi, having to bend down so they could at least touch foreheads together. “I missed you so much.”

“Eren, this isn’t the time,” Levi warned, reaching a hand up and wrapping his fingers around Eren’s arm. But despite Levi’s warning Eren moved his face in closer, threatening to lock lips with him, only for Levi to instantly turn away. “I said not now.” He slipped under Eren’s arms and made his way across the room, looking out of the windows and down at the city. He felt knots twisting around inside of his stomach, unsure of what to say. He hadn’t even been able to make eye contact with Eren since they got back onto the island.

“Captain…”

“Don’t pull that ‘captain’ bullshit on me right now,” Levi said, tone harsh as he felt his shoulders tense up. It was one thing when Eren called him that in front of others, but he stopped using it in private years ago. “What is going through your head? What were you thinking back then? What are you thinking now?”

“I was just doing what I thought would be best,” Eren said softly. “Even you admitted that I was right.”

“I said to be happy things were as you said, not that I thought you were in the right,” Levi said, unwavering in his tone as he walked over to his desk and sat down. He clasped his hands together and pressed his index fingers to his forehead, pinching his eyelids shut.

“You’ve always encouraged me to make my own choices,” Eren said, firm as he nearly slammed his palms down on Levi’s desk. His eyes were boring into Levi, pleading to make contact. “So why is it that you’re suddenly acting so distant when I do so?”

“I never said to go off and put yourself and everyone else at risk!” Levi said, mirroring Eren’s actions as he stood up again. “And for what? For who? Beardy!? So he turned out to be your brother. So what!? He killed off the entire Survey Corps! He killed Erwin!”

“And yet, you’re choosing to work with him too,” Eren said, and Levi finally looked into his eyes. Eyes that once conveyed every emotion with vigor. Eyes that now only looked cold and tired. “Because you know damn well that’s what Erwin would choose if he were with us right now.”

Levi glared, making sure to keep contact with Eren’s eyes as he started to speak. “Zeke is only here because _you_ decided to force our hand.”

“I wasn’t going to sacrifice Historia,” Eren said quietly, shifting his eyes down to the desk between them. “I couldn’t…”

Levi knew this to be the case. Eren gave too many damns about his friends and it was going to be his downfall. Levi, possibly more than anyone, knew how much the loss of loved ones chipped away at the soul. He never wanted Eren to deal with more of this kind of pain. And in his effort to protect Historia, he ended up getting Sasha killed instead.

Pressing their foreheads together, he brushed a couple of fingers against Eren’s. “You should have just trusted us to do the right thing with that information, Eren.” His voice softened and he closed his eyes, unsure of what to do next.

“I didn’t want to hurt you, Levi,” Eren said as he intertwined their fingers together.

There it was. His name. Levi hadn’t heard his name spill out of Eren’s lips in a long time, and it was the most comforting thing he’d heard since then. He squeezed at Eren’s hand a little, rolling their foreheads together before he leaned in just a bit farther to press against Eren’s lips. They were dry and chapped, but they were Eren’s… They were familiar.

The kisses were gentle and soft, just as Levi remembered when they first stepped over this boundary.

“Levi…” Eren sighed, tugging lightly at Levi’s arm to indicate he wanted him closer.

“We shouldn’t, Eren,” Levi said, trying to pull back.

“But you want to.”

Levi’s chest rose and fell with his heavy breathing. Eren wasn’t wrong, but Levi knew that this wasn’t the appropriate time for it. He didn’t know if there would ever be an appropriate time for it again. Over time, Eren has become a completely different person to him.

But Levi _needed_ this. He needed to feel the warm embrace of Eren’s arms. He needed the sighs and the moans, the pleas and the cries. He needed to remember how it felt when their bodies rocked together, perfectly in sync as though they were always meant to be that way. As though they belonged to no one but each other. He needed to remember a time with Eren when nothing else in the world mattered except for the two of them looking into each other’s eyes as they lost themselves to sweet euphoria.

“Godammit,” Levi muttered, practically lunging himself forward onto the top of his desk, papers scattering everywhere as he propped himself onto his knees, meeting Eren’s height. He grabbed Eren’s shirt collar and pulled him close, crashing their lips together. Nothing about the way they were kissing was gentle. They nipped and bit at each other’s lips as Levi kept tugging at Eren’s shirt. Shaky breaths filled the air as Levi pulled back just enough to deny Eren more contact. “Why did you do this… to us?”

Eren stayed silent for a moment as he started to run his fingers through Levi’s hair, massaging at the back of his scalp where his undercut began. “I still love you, Levi.”

“I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

“I still know you…” Eren said, moving to trail kisses along Levi’s jawline. He was gentle, almost feather-light, as he inched his way back toward Levi’s earlobe to give it an affectionate nibble. Levi sighed as Eren teased at one of his most sensitive spots. “I know that you love having my fingers brush against your undercut, and that you like your ear nibbled.” He traced a hand lightly down Levi’s back until Levi let out a shiver. “I know you have a ticklish spot right here, and that you love it when I kiss your thighs.” He started tracing his kisses down Levi’s neck, unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. “I know why you hold your cups from the top, how you wish you were taller, that you want to own a teashop someday…”

Levi shifted his legs around so they were dangling off the front of the desk. More papers scattered to the floor, but it wasn’t important right now. Honestly, he wasn’t sure that he should let this continue, but he wasn’t ready for it to stop. His feelings for Eren were far more complicated than they were before, but he missed him. “You said you’d help me with that teashop,” he commented as he leaned his head to the side to give Eren better range. “I thought that nothing would have made me happier.”

“Even though we both know that I don’t have that much time left…” Eren said, stopping his ministrations and instead burying his face into the crook of Levi’s neck.

When Eren and Levi started to become closer, Levi could admit a part it was out of pity. Eren’s life was going to be cruelly short and even if he achieved the freedom he sought, he wouldn’t have lived long to enjoy it. Still, even though he knew this, he aspired for change and wanted to make it happen. He fought for something that was bigger than himself. Levi admired that about Eren and it was a part of why he loved him so damn much even though he knew this relationship would destroy him in the end.

“Eren…” Levi said, pushing him back so they could make eye contact once more.  “I don’t know how to save you…”

“I don’t need to be saved. I just need you to understand.”

Levi could see a glimpse of the old puppy-like eyes Eren used to have, like he was pleading for something. He could only watch as the relationships between Eren and his childhood friends started to deteriorate over time as their ideologies began to clash. And he knew that Eren always relied on him to be on his side. Because out of everyone Eren knew, Levi was the one who was willing to go to extremes to do what needed to be done, and he was always the one encouraging Eren to follow his guts.

Levi always knew that Eren was a monster that couldn’t be caged, and so he never tried to cage him. He wanted to help fan the flames inside of Eren. But after all that’s happened, Levi was coming to regret enabling the person that Eren has become. He had to convince himself constantly that Eren simply wasn’t always Eren anymore. That some of the things he’s said and done couldn’t possibly be him, but rather the memories that permeated through his mind, causing him to forget who he truly is.

The thought of Eren being anyone but himself threatened to devour Levi’s sanity.

Sanity that Levi was barely clinging onto right now.

“I can’t support what you’ve done,” he admitted. “And I don’t want to talk or think about it anymore.” He shimmied off his shirt that Eren had already unbuttoned and slid off of the desk, pushing Eren back until he was pressed against the wall. “You really fucked up, you know,” he said before pulling Eren down to kiss him again.

They were much more in sync this time, Levi gripped at Eren’s long hair as Eren was practically clawing into Levi’s side. Their tongues danced around each other between nips and tugs at each other’s lips, moans spilling into each other’s mouths.

“I know I did, but I need you, Levi…” Eren said. “I’ve been so cold without you.”

Levi didn’t need anymore prompting until he was practically ripping off Eren’s shirt trying to get it over his head. There wasn’t any sexual intent in Eren’s words, just a sad young man wanting to feel the warmth of the person he loved again. Yet somehow, it made Levi feel more heated. Perhaps it was because he had felt the same way since the day that Eren left.

He didn’t want to make a show of this or draw it out, it was just something that they both needed to get out of their system. Possibly for the last time.

He grabbed a hold of Eren’s wrist, tugging him toward the bed where they both clumsily flopped. They resumed kissing, although gentler now, as Levi worked to unbutton Eren’s pants before undoing his own. The both of them slipped the garments off and they laid bare on the bed next to each other. “So how do you want to…” Levi said, trailing off as he brushed his fingers lightly across Eren’s lower belly. “I didn’t exactly prep for this.”

“I did,” Eren said. “Earlier, in the shower.” He used to say things like that and look at Levi triumphantly, like a cocky little punk who’d planned his entire day around driving the man wild. That feeling wasn’t here though, and Levi could see the intent plain as day; Eren felt like shit about everything and hoped that maybe Levi could fuck the guilt out of him. Goodness knows that Levi’s used Eren in the same way before.

“I still have oil in the nightstand,” Levi said. Eren rolled to his side to open the drawer, reaching in to grab the small bottle of their personal lubricant. He handed it over and Levi popped the lid off and doused his fingers. He started with Eren’s shaft, stroking it slowly, soaking in the sound of Eren’s soft moans as he placed light kisses along his neck. Even if Levi was upset with Eren, they clearly needed to get lost in anything but this war, so he wanted to try and at least make sure this felt good for him.

“Mn, Levi… Come on…” Eren urged even though he seemed pleased with the attention he was getting already. “We don’t have a lot of time, right?”

Levi furrowed his brows as he buried himself in the crook of Eren’s neck. It’s true that if they spent too much time in here, it might get suspicious. Eren was supposed to be in the dungeons. And besides, Levi didn’t want to drag it out because it would only hurt more in the end. “No, I suppose not.”

Eren reached over and dropped some of the oil on his fingers, mimicking Levi and wrapping his hand around him as well. Levi hissed at the friction, taking pleasure in Eren’s slicked up hand moving up and down along his shaft. Levi moved his own hand down, inserting a finger inside of Eren, working to get him ready to take in more. “Shit…” Eren whispered, tensing his muscles and arching his back. “I forgot this feeling.”

“Does it hurt?” Levi asked, hesitant to continue.

“A little, but… I kind of want it to,” Eren said. “I want you to be rough with me right now. I know you’re mad so just… take it out on me.”

“I really don’t—”

“Please,” Eren begged. And Levi could see was the sorrow in his eyes. “All that time we were apart, and what I did to you… To my friends…To the entire Survey Corps…”

Eren knew what he did was hurtful, even if he thought it would be for the best. Levi felt it was a stretch to say that he lost all faith in Eren, but it wasn’t a lie that it became harder to trust him after he used them.  “Are you having regrets?” Levi asked, deciding that Eren’s answer would determine whether they continued or not.

“No. It needed to be done.”

“Good.”

Levi retracted his fingers and rolled over on top of Eren, straddling him as he aligned their slicked-up cocks together. He wrapped his hand around them, thrusting as he jacked the both of them off. “Mm… It’s so good,” Eren sighed, tilting his head back and sinking it into the pillow as he lazily tried to match Levi’s thrusts. “But I need more…”

Levi needed it too. After letting go of both of their cocks, he shifted their bodies around until he was able to throw one of Eren’s legs over his shoulder. He aligned himself with Eren’s entrance before he started to push in slowly. Eren let out a hiss as he bit onto the pillow he was smashing against his face. “Keep moving… hard… please…”

Levi hummed as he pulled out and pushed back in, steadying his rhythm before he started picking up his pace. Eren let out a few gasps and whines, gripping hard at the pillow as he took Levi in over and over. Levi admired Eren’s form as he watched their bodies rock together. Eren’s long brown hair started to slip down over his face, hiding his features as he started quietly chanting Levi’s name. “Eren…” Levi breathed out before biting down lightly on Eren’s leg, picking up his speed and momentum. The sound of their skin slapping together echoed throughout the room accompanied by their pleas and moans, cries of each other’s names, demands for _more_ and _harder_. Their position changed, a hand wrapped around Eren’s throat, another hand tugging at Eren’s hair, Eren reaching behind himself to grip at Levi’s ass, begging him to thrust into him even harder.

Finally, Levi flipped Eren over, shifting his legs so that they were now wrapped around his waist and he gripped at Eren’s sides as he thrust into him with all he had. Eren’s hand flew down to his cock, stroking it quickly as the both of them worked their way to the edge. “Levi, I’m…!” Eren reached his climax with a long moan, and Levi watched as his eyes shut tight, like he didn’t want to be seen. He spilled everything he had inside of Eren as he reached his own orgasm, never taking his eyes off of his lover.

Eren covered his face with his forearm and started trembling, so Levi took care to pull out of him slowly. “Eren?”

“This is… it for us, isn’t it?” Eren asked, choking back a sob.

Levi wasn’t sure what to do or say. For weeks he’d convinced himself that this was the catalyst of the end of their future together. But… did it really have to be? Why did he try to convince himself?

Because Eren was a different person now. Because he used and betrayed his trust. Because, even though Levi still loved him, everything about him made Levi’s heart hurt.

He didn’t want to think about it anymore.

He grabbed Eren’s arm and moved it away from his face, looking into Eren’s tear-filled eyes. Eyes that Levi could recognize. Eyes that were filled with emotion. “Hey,” Levi said as he wiped the stray strands of hair away from Eren’s face. “I never said that.”

“It doesn’t need to be said,” Eren insisted.

“You’re on thin ice,” Levi said. “That doesn’t mean you can’t repair things. Not just with me, but with them too.”

What Eren was holding back, he finally let out. He wrapped his arms around Levi and pulled him in close, shaking around him as he let the tears stream down his face. Levi rubbed his check against Eren’s, closing his eyes as he melted into his body and whispered softly into Eren’s ear, “It’s going to be okay.” He allowed himself to crack a soft smile against Eren’s skin. “For starters, you can shave that poor excuse of a mustache off.”

“Yeah,” Eren chuckled lightly. “I’ll get right on that.”

Levi squeezed Eren tight, grateful to see even a glimpse of the person he knew in this moment. “I still love you, okay?”

“…Okay.”


End file.
